i dont mean to sound naggy or like a bigshot. this was my thots yesterday. well, this mornin, to be exact. at 12:42am.

de moment things startd to lo0k better, i JUST had to screw it up again. i JUST had to be a bitch and be so uptight and sensitive by a response, which i thot was sarcastic. there were so many other remarks that was sorta worse than that one, but i didnt feel anythin for those la, whereas i was sensitive by that one last remark of his. like purposely findin fault in him la. and bcoz im seein it in de wrong perspective, diff to his, i was kinda hurt by de remark. and then he bacame quiet again.i bet he thot he was a bad bf and spoilt evrythin again. and so, de cycle continues.
im bein a bitch la.

i just received a msg from him. hes gonna sleep it off. thats whad i normally do too. so he dont actually have to tell me. and its not that i dont bother. i do. i just have de gift (or curse) of gettin over things so easily. its as if God really doesnt want me to dwell into these kinda things. maybe coz he knows that i can be greatly affectd by itif i really put my mind into it. i can be on 2 extremes la, thats why.

to You :
i love you lots. i do really. i really hope that whadever ive said tonight doesnt hurt you deeply. honestly, im really scared to say so much whenever you're quiet. that means something is wrong. and you know, i just tend to say de wrong things. maybe directly, indirectly or purposely. when i do say things purposely, i want you to know my side of things. my perspective. coz you know damn well how we tend to see diff side of some things, despite bein able to read each others minds on other occasions. i do regret lettin you know my side of things at times, just as much as you lettin me know yours, bcoz we'll hurt each other as well but it makes us understand each other better eventually. i guess tonight was just one of de downside of de r'ship.

whadever it was today, do know one thing. that i'll always love you. no matter whad. no matter how i rarely ask you abt your day and yourself, or that i tried to reply to your msges promptly - i always care for you. i might not show it de way you wantd me to but i do care.im sorry if i sounded rude or indifferent abt us/you when i hummed songs. like i said, im scared. i was also runnin out of things to say since i had blabbered non-stop from outram station all de way home.

we tend to see things so differently at times that its quite hard to resolve certain things. it has its ups and downs, definitely. it does makes us stronger.
and i do believe that there is a balance in evrythin. so when im high, you just have to be de sour plum.



but i like sour plum. i might wince and squirm at times when i have my first taste, but ultimately,de sourness will be gone and de sweetness will smoulder you slowly. eventually, its de sweetness and pleasure of eatin it that will remind you of de plum. not de sourness.

i just hope that with evry trouble that comes our way, swayin us in diff directions, we will actually bestronger and learn from it. maybe de next time we can hug each other for support and not just hold hands,or even lettin go so that de sacrifice might actually save de other person, bcoz it shows thatYOU CARE, just by goin thru it together, despite de outcome.


WHERE THERE IS GREAT LOVE, THERE WILL ALWAYS BE MIRACLES. - WILLA CATHER