i woke feelin like numb. kinda okay. but embracing it.

readin 17mag just now was quite irritatin. de ONLY time i dont have someone special to celebrate it with, they had soooo many ideas and stories. theres even a 3page write up abt forbidden love. well, i could write up one of mine now too. in fact, i AM doin it/ have done it.

wait. im gonna get my phone. ive got a message.


nope. not from AD. i wanted to know how he is at werk. sighhh


ive hurt two important people in my current life. ive totally pushd both away from me. seems like both of them are doin so as though im diseased. fair enough. i should be neglected.


ive really done it tis time. im really hopin that he can carry on w his life. we both had too much memories. i have truly sinned.


im sorry to you too. ive put u in a bad light and i know u despise yourself. but please no change is needed. its not u who succumbed. it was me.


IT WAS ME ALL ALONG. I HAVE REALLY NO FUCKIN BRAIN. NO FUCKIN EMOTION TOWARDS OTHERS. I HATE MYSELF NOW PEOPLE. I FUCKIN DO. I SHOULD REALLY GROW TWO HORNS ON MY EFFING HEAD. IVE HURT THE ONE. THE ONE I KNOW WAS MY FUTURE. now, a bleak future.


i dont know why i bother typin an entry. it doesnt really change anythin. im still a piece of fuckin shit.