i feel like

first of all, i wanna give a HUGE shoutout to AYU for tdy! and last night! credits to her for taggin me w my mission, at home and outdoors. and be patient w ur phone pls.

i feel like im Bella. like seriously. not bcos i think i look like her or anythin like that, puhleeze. (im way better. WAHAHAHHA! kiddin) i feel like im in my own Twilight. actually, its more New Moon than de first book.

i feel like Bella, when she felt so heartbroken and lost with Edwards sudden abandonment. and then im lookin forward to seein and bein w Jacob. but my Jacob doesnt know hes de one and im countin on him. but then again, he doesnt know. either that or hes avoidin me. which is most probably de latter. i thot we can be close again, but i guess once bitten twice shy? knowin tt he has a target now was quite sad. but like i said, once bitten twice shy. still, i enjoy havin conversations w him. im tryin to do things bcos I want to, and not botherin whad others might think and i think im quite ok when talk to him. i feel at ease. i believe..

well, so... well, my Edward is not exactly de same as Bellas. ................

oh. maybe my Jacob has been readin my blog and thinks i regret de time spent w him. maybe i did. but all i need now is to get back on my feet and i think he'll be a great help. FINE. im selfish. forget it then.

as i was sayin, my Edward is not exactly de same as Bellas. i know he still likes me? (dare i say love?... nope) but i know my Edward is gone. Bellas Edward was a painful perfection to her and mine has just lost it.

i know deep down i still love my Edward and i guess tt made my Jacob retreat into de woods. my previous entries have declared tis quite alot. but who knows? who knows whad lies ahead? my mind was excitable when conjurin up a hopeful future w Jacob. but it was shortlived. and all i want now is his friendship. i NEED de Jacob i knew, before he phased. before he thot that hes a monster.

tis is why i immerse myself in de whole saga. i guess maybe, well.. i told someone before, cant rmbr who. that maybe, by de end of Breakin Dawn, i might know how my future will be like too. bcos now i know that... i Believe that, my life is like tis saga. with much less violence but still full of drama, and hope.