i woke up hearin my family talkd abt me. and then abt us. my nenek has been quite nice by not tellin. oh wait, she did. to my grandad. and as they moved on to talk abt other things, my parents still were clueless. then tok broke de silence by sayin tt we fought. and my mom were like 'no wonder lah.. blablabla' she had no idea he was alr back in brunei. she thinks he probably just got back from brunei and tt explains for me bein home early tis past wk. sheesh.

my nenek is here in de room w me. lookin at me type. haha

today is DEFINITELY better than any of de past week. i woke up hearin ppl talk abt me, then my mind thot of my entry (which i thot was gonna look bad on him), and yeap, he agreed. just for tt short para. i dont know whether my other entries mean nothin but yeah. i shant complain. its been a cry-ey mrng but it made my heart pumpd excitedly as well.

de new codename he has now is so adorable. my comment page is so excitin now. just readin those lines makes me all smiley and soft.

oh no! im so gonna regret tis....... bcos im hopin. and its gonna eat my insides just like Bella once i come back to reality. but please please pleaseeee, dont stop readin. dont stop commentin, dont stop textin. i need to know that ure still there. still alive. still..exist.

well i guess tdy my entry will be abt my Edward. ha.. MY Edward. *chuckles* and he caught on.
so, my Edward only saw whad i typed. not whad im feelin. of course, i still do mean it but whads de point? yes i think hes un-perfect now but if Bella can overlook his mistake, why cant i?! ppl make mistakes. some life threatenin, some life changin. Bellas de former while mines... both.
i still love my Edward but thinkin abt such things, love and wantin hope, hurts. but at least i know tdy that he still thinks of me. and ive been reciprocatin it, everyday.

maybe... just maybe. i was thinkin, if Bella can do dangerous stuffs to get her mind connurin up Edward talkin to her, why not me? somehow by bein slightly happy has somehow managed to get his attention. by bein veerin my entry slightly abt my Jacob, has caught his attention. how amazin is tt?

(now tt he knows, he'll probably do EXACTLY otherwise.Welcome Back, pain and emptiness.)

i dont wanna be upset tdy. i wanna stay in front of my lappie and phone all day, just keep rereadin tis mrng text and tt comment.

a wonderful Sunday afterall.

to Edward, we've changed. our minds can change but not our hearts. (tis msg is by no way tryin to justify anythin. its a really pointless msg to u. but just hear me out.) im ready to change. im just waitin for u. im serious abt my future. i realised whad ive done and (tis is truly pointless)..

sighhhh

well, why not. its pointless. just me blabberin positively. more than i'd like to. bein positive i mean. i prefer de pessimistic me.



to my Edward, we've changed. our minds can change but not our hearts. its evident. im ready to change. im ready to commit for life. not just to you. but to de next guy tt can brin me back to my original state of bubblyness and frenzy. i definitely hope it is you. but if its not, i still want you to fight for me, once uve cleared ur head and you still believe im de one. bcos u know i'll run back to you. that is such a bitchy thing to do but hey, as if u dont already know. i truly dont want tt to happen of course. its de worst case scenario for tis. so, i hope (yes im still hopin), that i can wait and you will be there to take me back in ur arms. dont ever forgive me. and i know you cant forget. but i hope ur mind can overlook that and you can love me back again. just like before ns. before de treachery. ive hurt u deep. truly deep. 9years deep. friends scolded and cursed bcos of my doin. Busu too. and that is why i would want to be back tgt w you. i want to be de one tt mend ur broken heart. it is like throwin away de princess n frog frame that i gave u. it broke to pieces but u know it meant alot to u. and u still want it. so u mend it. scotchtaped it, glued it. salvaged it. I Want To Do That. but if all ends fail, as in my hopes are just purely.. hopes, then i'll accept it. move on and hopefully not turnin back. i dont want to turn back and see u there but i cant chase. i dont think so. bcos whad if u run away from me? that'll hurt deeper, tho i know i have to face it cos it was my doin. but yes, im hopin still. and i hope its you.

to my Jacob, i hope one day u know who u are. u mean as much to me as Edward. tho if there ever was a likin (or dare i say love??), and i didnt reciprocate, im sorry. but please BELIEVE that u are still a good person. and a lovely one. i dont get it too, why other girls dont see u like i do. u are SO much more than u think. or maybe u do know. so if thats de case, u must be more patient than u already are. and no matter whad, i cant forget u. i dont want to bcos you are a great friend. and one day, de best lover to ur wife. ur heart is full of love for anyone, even tt ice cream boy. and do know that i love u, if not more than a friend, then as a my best friend. u may not feel de same towards me but its ok. as long as u keep talkin to me, thats whad matters. and if one day, if fate intervenes, i'll accept it. not only if it was you. if it was anybody. anybody that can get me back up on my own two feet and skate along w me in de rain. any guy who can do that, deserves it. it may sound selfish but i need you. just like i need my Edward. i need my pillars. i dont know why either that i feel so attached to you. its safe to say that we are quite new to each other and we dont talk much. but when we do, i feel like we've known each other for so long and im so comfy talkin w u abt anythin. just like i can do so w my Edward. just know that de only thing i truly regret abt that episode, was that i'd jeopardise our friendship and hurt u. thats my only regret.


Edward, be strong. I'll Always Love You. even if im married and have kids w someone else, there will always be a portion in my heart reserved for you. de portion that had been loved and learnt alot thru her adolescent years. de portion tt burns in me. with hope. and most definitely, with your love.