anyway, for those curious minds, i will tell whad happened. it beats talkin, espnow, when my breathin is relatively sparse.

last sunday was a nightmare. i decided to take my life away bcos my heart was broken. he had decided to not come into any contact w me - via phone, msn or any whads so ever. i was Obviously devastated. though u might wonder why, when it was me who had it all comin for myself. so yeah, i called de ones close to my heart and told them "i love you"s. they all panicked. i Swear i didnt mean to make them panic or worried abt me. all i wanted to do was to let them know that i love them. and that im v thankful for their presence in my life. but anyway, thru my act of selfish behaviour, he came findin me and nearly passd out. i just couldnt imagine him bein hurt that way too so i came out from 'hiding' and ran to him before he passed out. that must be de day my missed calld probably reached a hundred. i keep ignorin calls and msges.

my frends were furious yet relief to see me, alive. they made me promise never to do such things again. they rushed from wherever they were to seesave me. i love my bffs.

i would like to apologize to all. for worryin u. i REALLY didnt mean to do anythin to u guys. those phone calls are just my last contact to u guys. im really sorry for whad that had happened. i guess ppl will think even worse of me now. it wasnt meant to be that dramatic. it was meant to soothe me. but i realised that ive hurt others in de process. some may think tt i will go to such lengths to get whad i want but tt wasnt de case. i didnt even know ppl would care much abt me. so when i was lyin there on de grass in de dark, bitten by ants, floods of carin msges just made me even sadder and guilty. it was a dumb act. yes. i know now.

i still dont know whad to say and how to react in front of my friends. my bffs. as mych as i dont care whad ppl think, i care ALOT abt whad they think of me. 

i might have been seen as someone who gets whadever she wants. im truly LUCKY. in many things in life, ive realised. i dont know why i get such chances even. sighh.. but i just want my bffs to know that i wont do such things again and will keep to my promise.

im with him again. and im truly thankful for de chance, again. ive promised to myself and to him especially, that i will make tis work. no longer de selfish, panic-inducin, WEAK me. whadever happens in de future, if it doesnt werk out, i WILL be stronger.

and i love you.