Please remind me next time that I deserve every single pain and I shouldn't be angry with him at all. I would like to apologize to him. I'm still very sorry. I feel really bad for all these hurt I've caused you. Remember that there's nothing wrong with you and that you're not lacking anything. It was all me. You have always been perfect to me. Yes, you have made your mistakes too, but I will forgive and forget. And I hope you can try to overlook all those, sometimes, and reminisce the old memories we had together. It was beautiful, I admit it. And of course, I owe you a big thank you and also a big apology. Both for making it memorable and for cutting you so deep. It was inhuman of me. You can say that I have mature alot, though it seems like such a short time. Maybe it is temporary but it is still worth the epiphany. Because now, i truly appreciate all of your sacrifices and love. Now, I truly do not understand why I could have done such things to hurt the one i cherish and love the most. You still mean more to me than my parents, sadly. Now, I truly feel at a lost without you at my side. You make life seems full of purpose for me each day. Unknowingly, each day I was looking forward to only you. Now, I truly regretted every single action that led up to this very tragedy. And now, I am truly in pain for causing you these mush burden and suffering that will haunt you forever. That changed/changes/will change you, even more. This horrible episode will be the darkest spot in my entire life. It has changed me. I know changes might not always be acceptable but I'm trying to learn that as long as the core of the person, still feels for you, still beats for you, then you shouldn't judge. I'm actually a very lucky person. Despite all that I had done, I still had him. He never gave up on me and always hope and believed that I may change. I can't say for sure that I have, maybe yes and maybe no, but I would like to thank you for not giving up on me. This has been a very good learning and life experience. It has taught me so much. I still do not understand why my mind could not have come to this stage earlier in the relationship. I had been too much of a hindrance to him, although his love for me was the reason he went beyond odds. I'd wish I think before doing something and how that would have hurt him. Hurting someone so perfect is like not being grateful to God for the His gift. This may be the last entry to my blog too. Not because I'm getting back at him. Not entirely, if I want to be honest. Because as much as I do not want any communication between us, I still want to know how he is. I'm still worried for him. Also, I do not think I can keep up with my emotions. It swings around too unpredictably, and embarassingly. So I hope this entry is the last, so that I can look at this entry next time and calm myself whenever I feel that life is not fair. You have made some disappointments and we had plenty of arguments and misunderstandings. I had said bad things about you and vocally say i hated you a few times. I still do not understand why you had to do those things that made you so different from other guys. I am no angel. We both know how much all these are actually only my fault. All my doing. But one thing will and has never changed, even when I defiantly lied and betrayed you. As much as it hurts to put this in the same paragraph as my betrayals, I Love You. It will only change when my heart stops beating for you. So Thank You, with utmost sincerity, for the joy and happiness you had let me experienced with you. It was definitely the best moments in my entire life. You loved me more than a person should, dare I say more than God himself sometimes. Yes, you've made my life a blissful one and I did not regret a single day I'd spent with you. Even all those quarrels and misunderstandings and me being a prick, it was much much better than I'd ever felt. To just have you close to me. To have you hear me out. To have you encourage me, despite my usual stubborness. To have you stand up for me. To just have you... For myself.

I will always love you, Mohamed Hanis Bin Isahak. Thank you for the memories.