im away from home currently. and will update abt whad i had been up to soon.
now, whad i really wanna talk abt is how im still affectd by Him.
first of all, i will be typin tis as if im really talkin to Him. so pls bear w me and read along. thats why u came to my blog right??
so.....
You are de last person i would think of bein affectd by anyone elses werds. Remember when you used to tell me, that i shouldnt get affectd by whadever other ppl say? As long as you know youre right, its all good.. Remember??
I know you feel that im de last person you would wanna hear from or you feel that i dont deserve or have de right to be even sayin tis to you.. afterall, im really not de ideal/best/right person to be givin advice. Even way before we came to tis situation, ive told you that im not an advisor. Or a listener. Or a loyal gf. Okay, im sidetrackin n that last bit i think ive given my werd to u before.
But seriously, why do you get so bothered? I know they probably dont mean to hurt your feelins. Can you imagine that they probably feel de same way too if they read ur blog? Like you, they probably regret or wishd they hadnt said those things to you.
I seriously do not know whad ure referrin to as it is always vague so im just assumin alot here. But youve become so negative and sensitive. Its really heartbreakin seein you perpetually upset. I know i dont deserve to mention abt you bein upset because all of these wouldnt happen if I had not screwd up your life. I'M de cause for ur misery and again, im sorry.
If i could do somethin that can make you feel so much better (not cured or not like before), just make you feel abit more positive and off that plateau, i would. WHADEVER it is. I SWEAR.
I dont know why you wanna quit de band. Again, its probably due to u bein sensitive and yes, commitment issues. But hey, minor setbacks. I know ive never been a good supporter to ur music but u shouldnt give up. Thats another thing u told me before about. Dont give up. Youre not a quitter Hanis. I am, but not you. Youre so much stronger. Even before we were together. You gave me hope and always encourage me. I look up to you so much. If you give up on ur music, i will give up on my life. Its not a threat. Its just that much easier for me to give up knowin that you do it now too.
And ive heard your music before. In de bus. And i rememberd that it was good. Ironic huh? You probably think im tryin to suck up. Yeah maybe i am. But i realised too that bein detachd from you, made me look at perspective from a friend's angle. A stranger even. And it was good. Meaningful werds and good melody. So, just have patience and werk on de band. If not, werk on your guitar on your own when you guys cant meet up. Just dont give up sweets.
Maybe today was a bad day for you. I hope tomorrow will be a better day. Because de worst day was over. Five months ago.